Chapter 1
HIM
We're different. Wednesday night, yesterday, it changed everything between us. It clarified everything.
I smile thinking of how Lucy was yesterday. A shaky start, but a good beginning for us. She was so hesitant, trying to still hold back. She wasn't ready to embrace her new life with me, not completely, not yet. She was almost there, though. I’m getting her the rest of the way there.
Yesterday, she was able to give in to what she really wants, submit to her true feelings. We had a nice day together, playing hooky, staying in my bed, ordering food in, and keeping the world out.
I knew seeing her face in a mirror would bring back a little of her fear and maybe some of her anger. She had to get used to seeing herself as mine. That I could do as I like to her, punish her how I want, and she'd accept it. Yesterday, she started to do this...with my help.
But today is the true start. Today the world is let back in; rather, Lucy has to face her world from her newly defined role with me. Today is an important first step for us.
I hear her bare feet on the tile in her kitchen, but I keep my eyes closed. "Are you going to stay in bed all day, again, ya bum?"
I only open one eye. Lucy is standing with her hands on her hips. She has a bra and thong on, her short robe open in the front, her blonde hair falling in wet ringlets past her shoulders. She also already has on a lot of makeup. It's why I had agreed to sleeping here last night, instead of at my place, so she could cover the red mark on her cheek and bruise under her jaw for work today.
I smile at her and still with only one eye open put my arm out for her to come to me.
She shakes her head and crosses her arms in front. "Oh, no...I'm not getting back in bed with you. We have to go to work today."
I stop smiling and harden my look. She instantly moves to crawl in bed, snuggling in with her back to me. Things are definitely different between us. "Good girl." I kiss her head and feel her relax a little more. "Let me see you."
She knows what I mean. Slowly, she rolls over to face me, putting her hands on my chest. I push her hair away from the left side of her face. Taking hold of her chin, I gently turn her face more. Both marks are well covered. The redness on her cheek is already fading, spreading into a lighter shade; the bruise along her jaw isn't as hidden, the blue of the center showing a little, the surrounding yellow covered only a little better. But her thick hair will cover this.
I actually like seeing the small bruises on her. I worry that this makes me a monster. I hope my own past won't work its way into our future. But I know that my love for Lucy is stronger than any violence or anger I've been through.
"You're beautiful." I kiss her nose. She finally raises her eyes to me.
"You...you can't see anything, Max?" She's shaky still. In the dark before falling asleep, she had said she was afraid of her friends seeing something at work, that she wouldn't know what to say to them. I told her not to worry about it. We could stay home together one more day and then she'd have the whole weekend in between the next time she needed to see anyone from work if she wanted. It was her choice.
"No. You did a good job, baby." I kiss her and she melts into me more, relieved. "Just keep your hair down if you don't want anyone to ask you any questions." She stiffens again.
"So you can see something?" A hint of defiance has creeped back in her eyes. She drops this quickly though. Her eyes show only fear when she asks, "Aren't you afraid of someone asking me about my face?" The shakiness increased in her voice to end in more of a whine.
"No."
She searches my face, my eyes. I don't say more just calmly look back at her. Lucy finally closes her mouth and swallows hard, before blurting out, "Why not?"
I speak slowly. This is important for her to understand and I need to be clear with her about this part from the very beginning. Despite my own fears about my anger and my past, this is important for us going forward. "Because if anyone asks you, you'll have to say what happened. Won't you?" The bewildered look on her face again, mouth opening, then closing. I wait until she only nods, slowly. Good.
"And what happened...is you misbehaved. Didn't you?” I pause again, waiting longer for her to slowly nod a tiny bit. Her eyes show a hint of the shame that made them so beautifully full of tears Wednesday night. "And I had to punish you. Didn't I?" The pause this time stretches longer. Her hands grow warm on my chest, her cheeks flaring red. She lowers her eyes before imperceptibly nodding.
"Answer me, Lucy." Her head jerks up quickly. Good girl.
Her responsiveness to the nuances of my voice and facial changes is still a marvel to me. I only added the slightest amount of sharpness and she is quick to reply, "Yes, Sir..." She's learning.
“Lucy, I’ll make a lot of promises to you. And I will always keep my promises.” She nods, relaxing. "I will discipline you. And my punishments will hurt.” I wait for her to relax again. “I will even leave marks on you sometimes to help you remember to be my good girl long after a punishment.” I rub her hair, her eyes can’t meet mine. “But I will never harm you.” She looks up questioning now. “I won’t damage you. Do you understand?”
She is searching my eyes again. “I think so…”
“I want you to know that you’re safe with me. To not question that part.”
“I know that, Max.”
“Good.” I give her a small kiss on her cheek. “I want you to be afraid of making me angry…this will help you to remember how to behave.”
She only nods, a little look of fear and guilt added to her searching eyes. “But I don’t want you to be afraid of me truly hurting you. I will never do anything to you…that can’t heal without damage.” I falter on how to make this clearer without scaring her more. I want to reassure her, not frighten her this morning.
She takes her time answering, swallowing several times, “I knew from what you said before…about your family, your beliefs…that you might…that you would...do something if you were angry with me.” She swallows more. Her chin lifts a bit and her eyes focus on mine, “But I know that you love me, Max. And I know that I love you. And I know that I trust you.”
I kiss her again and she is even more eager to kiss me back. "You better get ready for work...unless you want to stay with me today again?" I tenderly pull her hair forward, over her shoulder.
"No. No, I'll be okay." I let her get out of bed and watch her select a short-sleeved dress out of her closet. She turns to face me with the dress in front of her, "Do you like this one?" The blue of her eyes pop even more against the pale blue of the dress. She looks anxious to please me. It’s one of the ones we bought together.
I give her a big smile, "It's perfect." We're meeting a few of my friends for dinner tonight right after work. I don't know if she remembers this with all that has happened over the last two days. "Remember, we're going to dinner tonight...?"
Her eyes answer before she does, "Oh! ...I forgot..." The look of apprehension is back. She just takes her dress and heads towards the kitchen and attached bathroom. At the end of the bed, though, she turns back to me, "You don't really want me to say any of that, do you...I mean...you want me to make something up...if anyone asks...?"
"No, Lucy, I expect you to say exactly what I said." She starts to laugh, but stops herself. Again, she's very quick to respond to the subtle changes in my look. "You earned those marks, little girl. For misbehaving. And I won't have you lying about how you got them." She only lowers her head and turns to walk away again, a puzzled look still on her face.
I don't really want anyone questioning our relationship. Not this soon, anyway. Not as we're still figuring this out together. Lucy is just starting to accept so much and there's so much more I need her to accept. But I need her to be clear on this point too. She has to be able to face up to how things are between us now, no matter who questions us.
I know that this part may be the hardest for her. That today may be one of the hardest in our relationship. She needs to understand that I'm not ashamed of what I did, what I needed to do, to her. I punished her for cursing. She knew my rule about her using foul language and I caught her cursing with her friends Wednesday night. So I slapped her, three times. I actually held back anger; since this was the first time I used our new understanding to punish her.
However, she's still fragile, uncertain about how this will work, our new relationship. She still needs a little time to get used to her role, her place with me. Time and training.
I smile. I'm willing to give her both. I get out of bed and grab my boxers from a chair. I head towards her bathroom. She learned yesterday that I expect her not to close any doors to me. She doesn't have the right to privacy anymore. Her bathroom door is open. Good girl.
She has the dress on now. She only half smiles at me as she continues to fluff her curls dry, her part dramatic to cover her left side more. I stand behind her, dwarfing her frame with mine. I zip up her dress and kiss her shoulder, "I like this on you."
"Thank you." Her smile brightens. "Do you need the shower?"
"No. I'm going home and for a run before heading to work." I move to stand in front of her toilet; she blushes and starts to leave the bathroom. "No. Stay. Keep getting ready." She hesitates for only a second before going back to looking at herself in the mirror, avoiding looking my way. I have to think of something besides her cute shyness to be able to pee.
We're different. Wednesday night, yesterday, it changed everything between us. It clarified everything.
I smile thinking of how Lucy was yesterday. A shaky start, but a good beginning for us. She was so hesitant, trying to still hold back. She wasn't ready to embrace her new life with me, not completely, not yet. She was almost there, though. I’m getting her the rest of the way there.
Yesterday, she was able to give in to what she really wants, submit to her true feelings. We had a nice day together, playing hooky, staying in my bed, ordering food in, and keeping the world out.
I knew seeing her face in a mirror would bring back a little of her fear and maybe some of her anger. She had to get used to seeing herself as mine. That I could do as I like to her, punish her how I want, and she'd accept it. Yesterday, she started to do this...with my help.
But today is the true start. Today the world is let back in; rather, Lucy has to face her world from her newly defined role with me. Today is an important first step for us.
I hear her bare feet on the tile in her kitchen, but I keep my eyes closed. "Are you going to stay in bed all day, again, ya bum?"
I only open one eye. Lucy is standing with her hands on her hips. She has a bra and thong on, her short robe open in the front, her blonde hair falling in wet ringlets past her shoulders. She also already has on a lot of makeup. It's why I had agreed to sleeping here last night, instead of at my place, so she could cover the red mark on her cheek and bruise under her jaw for work today.
I smile at her and still with only one eye open put my arm out for her to come to me.
She shakes her head and crosses her arms in front. "Oh, no...I'm not getting back in bed with you. We have to go to work today."
I stop smiling and harden my look. She instantly moves to crawl in bed, snuggling in with her back to me. Things are definitely different between us. "Good girl." I kiss her head and feel her relax a little more. "Let me see you."
She knows what I mean. Slowly, she rolls over to face me, putting her hands on my chest. I push her hair away from the left side of her face. Taking hold of her chin, I gently turn her face more. Both marks are well covered. The redness on her cheek is already fading, spreading into a lighter shade; the bruise along her jaw isn't as hidden, the blue of the center showing a little, the surrounding yellow covered only a little better. But her thick hair will cover this.
I actually like seeing the small bruises on her. I worry that this makes me a monster. I hope my own past won't work its way into our future. But I know that my love for Lucy is stronger than any violence or anger I've been through.
"You're beautiful." I kiss her nose. She finally raises her eyes to me.
"You...you can't see anything, Max?" She's shaky still. In the dark before falling asleep, she had said she was afraid of her friends seeing something at work, that she wouldn't know what to say to them. I told her not to worry about it. We could stay home together one more day and then she'd have the whole weekend in between the next time she needed to see anyone from work if she wanted. It was her choice.
"No. You did a good job, baby." I kiss her and she melts into me more, relieved. "Just keep your hair down if you don't want anyone to ask you any questions." She stiffens again.
"So you can see something?" A hint of defiance has creeped back in her eyes. She drops this quickly though. Her eyes show only fear when she asks, "Aren't you afraid of someone asking me about my face?" The shakiness increased in her voice to end in more of a whine.
"No."
She searches my face, my eyes. I don't say more just calmly look back at her. Lucy finally closes her mouth and swallows hard, before blurting out, "Why not?"
I speak slowly. This is important for her to understand and I need to be clear with her about this part from the very beginning. Despite my own fears about my anger and my past, this is important for us going forward. "Because if anyone asks you, you'll have to say what happened. Won't you?" The bewildered look on her face again, mouth opening, then closing. I wait until she only nods, slowly. Good.
"And what happened...is you misbehaved. Didn't you?” I pause again, waiting longer for her to slowly nod a tiny bit. Her eyes show a hint of the shame that made them so beautifully full of tears Wednesday night. "And I had to punish you. Didn't I?" The pause this time stretches longer. Her hands grow warm on my chest, her cheeks flaring red. She lowers her eyes before imperceptibly nodding.
"Answer me, Lucy." Her head jerks up quickly. Good girl.
Her responsiveness to the nuances of my voice and facial changes is still a marvel to me. I only added the slightest amount of sharpness and she is quick to reply, "Yes, Sir..." She's learning.
“Lucy, I’ll make a lot of promises to you. And I will always keep my promises.” She nods, relaxing. "I will discipline you. And my punishments will hurt.” I wait for her to relax again. “I will even leave marks on you sometimes to help you remember to be my good girl long after a punishment.” I rub her hair, her eyes can’t meet mine. “But I will never harm you.” She looks up questioning now. “I won’t damage you. Do you understand?”
She is searching my eyes again. “I think so…”
“I want you to know that you’re safe with me. To not question that part.”
“I know that, Max.”
“Good.” I give her a small kiss on her cheek. “I want you to be afraid of making me angry…this will help you to remember how to behave.”
She only nods, a little look of fear and guilt added to her searching eyes. “But I don’t want you to be afraid of me truly hurting you. I will never do anything to you…that can’t heal without damage.” I falter on how to make this clearer without scaring her more. I want to reassure her, not frighten her this morning.
She takes her time answering, swallowing several times, “I knew from what you said before…about your family, your beliefs…that you might…that you would...do something if you were angry with me.” She swallows more. Her chin lifts a bit and her eyes focus on mine, “But I know that you love me, Max. And I know that I love you. And I know that I trust you.”
I kiss her again and she is even more eager to kiss me back. "You better get ready for work...unless you want to stay with me today again?" I tenderly pull her hair forward, over her shoulder.
"No. No, I'll be okay." I let her get out of bed and watch her select a short-sleeved dress out of her closet. She turns to face me with the dress in front of her, "Do you like this one?" The blue of her eyes pop even more against the pale blue of the dress. She looks anxious to please me. It’s one of the ones we bought together.
I give her a big smile, "It's perfect." We're meeting a few of my friends for dinner tonight right after work. I don't know if she remembers this with all that has happened over the last two days. "Remember, we're going to dinner tonight...?"
Her eyes answer before she does, "Oh! ...I forgot..." The look of apprehension is back. She just takes her dress and heads towards the kitchen and attached bathroom. At the end of the bed, though, she turns back to me, "You don't really want me to say any of that, do you...I mean...you want me to make something up...if anyone asks...?"
"No, Lucy, I expect you to say exactly what I said." She starts to laugh, but stops herself. Again, she's very quick to respond to the subtle changes in my look. "You earned those marks, little girl. For misbehaving. And I won't have you lying about how you got them." She only lowers her head and turns to walk away again, a puzzled look still on her face.
I don't really want anyone questioning our relationship. Not this soon, anyway. Not as we're still figuring this out together. Lucy is just starting to accept so much and there's so much more I need her to accept. But I need her to be clear on this point too. She has to be able to face up to how things are between us now, no matter who questions us.
I know that this part may be the hardest for her. That today may be one of the hardest in our relationship. She needs to understand that I'm not ashamed of what I did, what I needed to do, to her. I punished her for cursing. She knew my rule about her using foul language and I caught her cursing with her friends Wednesday night. So I slapped her, three times. I actually held back anger; since this was the first time I used our new understanding to punish her.
However, she's still fragile, uncertain about how this will work, our new relationship. She still needs a little time to get used to her role, her place with me. Time and training.
I smile. I'm willing to give her both. I get out of bed and grab my boxers from a chair. I head towards her bathroom. She learned yesterday that I expect her not to close any doors to me. She doesn't have the right to privacy anymore. Her bathroom door is open. Good girl.
She has the dress on now. She only half smiles at me as she continues to fluff her curls dry, her part dramatic to cover her left side more. I stand behind her, dwarfing her frame with mine. I zip up her dress and kiss her shoulder, "I like this on you."
"Thank you." Her smile brightens. "Do you need the shower?"
"No. I'm going home and for a run before heading to work." I move to stand in front of her toilet; she blushes and starts to leave the bathroom. "No. Stay. Keep getting ready." She hesitates for only a second before going back to looking at herself in the mirror, avoiding looking my way. I have to think of something besides her cute shyness to be able to pee.
HER
Leaving my apartment, Max locks my door, but doesn't put the key into my outstretched hand. "I'm going to make copies of both our apartment keys today."
"Oh...Okay..." I've never had a key to a guy's place before. All my boyfriends have either had roommate rules against it or didn't want that much commitment. I've also never given a key to a guy before. I correct myself...I'm not giving it; Max is taking it. Another way that he is taking control. I don’t say anything more, just head slowly down my steps to the street.
I stop in front of my gate and wait for Max to open it. I know this is one of his pet-peeves, that a gentleman opens doors. And again, I'm shocked by how much things have changed in such a short amount of time. How much I've changed.
The last two days have been intense. I never could have imagined him slapping me, let alone me accepting it as punishment for breaking one of his rules. But he did...and I did. And now I'm forever changed somehow. I think and feel differently. It's all about Max, pleasing him, not disappointing him...not angering him.
I can feel the happiness bubbling in me when he kisses my cheek as he opens the gate. I'm proud of myself for remembering this simple thing that makes him so happy. Proud of myself for not disappointing him by reaching for the gate myself.
I'm surprised to see Jeff waiting at my curb. "How did he know to be here?"
"I texted him last night. He's been waiting only a little while." Max heads to the left side of the car and Jeff opens the door on my side for me. I smile as he greets me. I've definitely gotten used to having a private driver. Using cabs and buses when I'm not with Max feels strange now.
Inside, the smell of coffee and pastries is overwhelming. I didn't realize how hungry I was until now; I was so distracted with everything that Max said this morning. I lean forward and say, "Thank you, Jeff. This coffee is just what I needed." He only smiles in return. I turn to Max and give him a kiss on the cheek, "Thank you for thinking of this." I know it's really his doing. His attentiveness to me, his caring nature, is what I fell in love with first.
"You're welcome, baby." I laugh as he tickles my knee with a squeeze.
In front of my office building, Max stops me from getting out of the car. Jeff waits patiently a step away with the door open. "I'll pick you up at 6:30. Sharp." His look of warning sends that familiar shiver of excitement down from my stomach. Another of his pet-peeves...being on time.
I only nod in response, but his look further darkens, so I quickly add, "Yes, Sir." And I'm rewarded with one of his big smiles. He kisses me one last time.
My boss walks by just as I get out of the car. She stops for me to catch up. "A private car? I must be paying you too much." She's laughing,
the Tigerlady with her fangs out.
"Oh...No...It’s my boyfriend's." I hurry to keep up with her longer legs. She's always in a rush and expects everyone to be at her pace in everything.
"Hmmm...How nice," and her laugh is cut off by the revolving door. I roll my eyes while she can't see me.
Leaving my apartment, Max locks my door, but doesn't put the key into my outstretched hand. "I'm going to make copies of both our apartment keys today."
"Oh...Okay..." I've never had a key to a guy's place before. All my boyfriends have either had roommate rules against it or didn't want that much commitment. I've also never given a key to a guy before. I correct myself...I'm not giving it; Max is taking it. Another way that he is taking control. I don’t say anything more, just head slowly down my steps to the street.
I stop in front of my gate and wait for Max to open it. I know this is one of his pet-peeves, that a gentleman opens doors. And again, I'm shocked by how much things have changed in such a short amount of time. How much I've changed.
The last two days have been intense. I never could have imagined him slapping me, let alone me accepting it as punishment for breaking one of his rules. But he did...and I did. And now I'm forever changed somehow. I think and feel differently. It's all about Max, pleasing him, not disappointing him...not angering him.
I can feel the happiness bubbling in me when he kisses my cheek as he opens the gate. I'm proud of myself for remembering this simple thing that makes him so happy. Proud of myself for not disappointing him by reaching for the gate myself.
I'm surprised to see Jeff waiting at my curb. "How did he know to be here?"
"I texted him last night. He's been waiting only a little while." Max heads to the left side of the car and Jeff opens the door on my side for me. I smile as he greets me. I've definitely gotten used to having a private driver. Using cabs and buses when I'm not with Max feels strange now.
Inside, the smell of coffee and pastries is overwhelming. I didn't realize how hungry I was until now; I was so distracted with everything that Max said this morning. I lean forward and say, "Thank you, Jeff. This coffee is just what I needed." He only smiles in return. I turn to Max and give him a kiss on the cheek, "Thank you for thinking of this." I know it's really his doing. His attentiveness to me, his caring nature, is what I fell in love with first.
"You're welcome, baby." I laugh as he tickles my knee with a squeeze.
In front of my office building, Max stops me from getting out of the car. Jeff waits patiently a step away with the door open. "I'll pick you up at 6:30. Sharp." His look of warning sends that familiar shiver of excitement down from my stomach. Another of his pet-peeves...being on time.
I only nod in response, but his look further darkens, so I quickly add, "Yes, Sir." And I'm rewarded with one of his big smiles. He kisses me one last time.
My boss walks by just as I get out of the car. She stops for me to catch up. "A private car? I must be paying you too much." She's laughing,
the Tigerlady with her fangs out.
"Oh...No...It’s my boyfriend's." I hurry to keep up with her longer legs. She's always in a rush and expects everyone to be at her pace in everything.
"Hmmm...How nice," and her laugh is cut off by the revolving door. I roll my eyes while she can't see me.
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